So, we are back to being strangers, again.
We walked right past each other. Our eyes barely met, my heart was pounding furiously, and within seconds you were gone.
What a shame,because I used to think that you're my forever. Not anymore, not anymore.
It took me a long time, but I've finally moved on. And as cliched as it is, I really wish nothing but the best for you.
G'bye m.
Dec 22, 2011
Dec 21, 2011
Dec 19, 2011
Dec 17, 2011
Dec 9, 2011
i really need to start writing more, because i don't want to forget. My thoughts are still in a mess, not that it really matters mmm.
December started off really well, because exams are over and i finally get to see the people that i really care about. then there's OCIP, and SEP approval, and suddenly I'm flooded with so much emotions that i never thought existed.
there's a hint of disappointment because i didn't get into my dream school. then there's fear. I never had any hesitation when i was applying, but there and then, after reading the offer, the realization that i will be gone for a while became so tangible it freaked me out.
after that was panic galore (looking back I've got no idea what I was panicking about really), then on the phone with vanny for more than an hour, and then with b for a while. bestest said he'll visit me, actually that's the same thing the lover said to me a while ago. that was what i needed to hear, even if its a lie, but really, that meant so much to me.
I think some parts of the conversation didn't come across the way i meant it. i didn't mean to doubt you when you said you're gonna visit me, i just (still) couldn't believe that anyone will actually do that. it sounds crazy to me- visiting your friend that will be at the other side of the world, no? i probably never told you this before, but you're the most amazing and solid friend i can ever ask for.
there's still a ton of things and applications for me to settle, and OCIP stuffs that's starting to pile up, but just maybe for the first time i don't really mind all these trouble.
i'm still afraid of distance, and i'm not all that confident about the future, but having people that believe in you certainly make it a little easier.
December started off really well, because exams are over and i finally get to see the people that i really care about. then there's OCIP, and SEP approval, and suddenly I'm flooded with so much emotions that i never thought existed.
there's a hint of disappointment because i didn't get into my dream school. then there's fear. I never had any hesitation when i was applying, but there and then, after reading the offer, the realization that i will be gone for a while became so tangible it freaked me out.
after that was panic galore (looking back I've got no idea what I was panicking about really), then on the phone with vanny for more than an hour, and then with b for a while. bestest said he'll visit me, actually that's the same thing the lover said to me a while ago. that was what i needed to hear, even if its a lie, but really, that meant so much to me.
I think some parts of the conversation didn't come across the way i meant it. i didn't mean to doubt you when you said you're gonna visit me, i just (still) couldn't believe that anyone will actually do that. it sounds crazy to me- visiting your friend that will be at the other side of the world, no? i probably never told you this before, but you're the most amazing and solid friend i can ever ask for.
there's still a ton of things and applications for me to settle, and OCIP stuffs that's starting to pile up, but just maybe for the first time i don't really mind all these trouble.
i'm still afraid of distance, and i'm not all that confident about the future, but having people that believe in you certainly make it a little easier.
Dec 5, 2011
"Do you really promise never to forget me?" she asked in a near whisper.
"I'll never forget you," I said."I could never forget you."
Murakami's Norwegian Wood.
I do realise that I've been quoting way too much Murakami, sorry I can't help it.
Hey love,
The truth is, I cannot imagine a life without you. Sometimes I can't even remember the life before you came into the picture.
I know I'm a terrible lover asking too much from you, and i also know that a normal person will probably be traumatized by me by now. But you're different, and you're worth it.
Before we get into the real thing, before you and I become an us, I think it'll be best if we sort ourselves out first. partly for selfish reason, partly to become a better person for you. Right now I'm in a mess, and I need all the time to figure myself out, to know who I am, what I want in life, what I'm standing for and what I need.
I don't see taking a longer route as a waste of time, neither is it a redundant part of growing up. The way I see it, if it doesn't work out then at the very least we manage to figure out the important things in life and set our priorities straight. If it does work out, it'll be good i promise, and it'll all get better in time.
We need this. I need to see the world a bit, figure out the future, do the things I want to do, stop being too pessimist and start believing. And you, you always know your final destination. Maybe somewhere along the way you got lost or distracted, doing things because 'it can pay the bills.' But knowing you, that's not enough love. This is not some impulsive decision, this is your dream, so when the time's right, go follow your heart and chase those dreams.
Either way, we're both in this together. There's no turning back, and I won't give up just yet. So this is not a goodbye, it's just my way of saying that it's the start of something amazing, and if this is only a glimpse of what a good life is going to be, then I cant wait already for the future.
Yours,
L
"I'll never forget you," I said.
Murakami's Norwegian Wood.
I do realise that I've been quoting way too much Murakami, sorry I can't help it.
Hey love,
The truth is, I cannot imagine a life without you. Sometimes I can't even remember the life before you came into the picture.
I know I'm a terrible lover asking too much from you, and i also know that a normal person will probably be traumatized by me by now. But you're different, and you're worth it.
Before we get into the real thing, before you and I become an us, I think it'll be best if we sort ourselves out first. partly for selfish reason, partly to become a better person for you. Right now I'm in a mess, and I need all the time to figure myself out, to know who I am, what I want in life, what I'm standing for and what I need.
I don't see taking a longer route as a waste of time, neither is it a redundant part of growing up. The way I see it, if it doesn't work out then at the very least we manage to figure out the important things in life and set our priorities straight. If it does work out, it'll be good i promise, and it'll all get better in time.
We need this. I need to see the world a bit, figure out the future, do the things I want to do, stop being too pessimist and start believing. And you, you always know your final destination. Maybe somewhere along the way you got lost or distracted, doing things because 'it can pay the bills.' But knowing you, that's not enough love. This is not some impulsive decision, this is your dream, so when the time's right, go follow your heart and chase those dreams.
Either way, we're both in this together. There's no turning back, and I won't give up just yet. So this is not a goodbye, it's just my way of saying that it's the start of something amazing, and if this is only a glimpse of what a good life is going to be, then I cant wait already for the future.
Yours,
L
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